


A new home

by Fangirlmoon



Series: The journey of finding a home [1]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Autism, Autistic Spencer Reid, Childhood Trauma, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Spencer Reid, M/M, Panic Attacks, Parental Jason Gideon, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Spencer Reid Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 10:00:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30104202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirlmoon/pseuds/Fangirlmoon
Summary: With getting Spencer on the team, Gideon gets him out of the hands of his abusive Father. He knows his team are the right people to show him the kindness of this world but even if he was supposed to be one of the greatest profiler ever seen he didn't expect Morgan to be the one that puts the most effort into it.
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Jason Gideon & Spencer Reid
Series: The journey of finding a home [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2215149
Comments: 9
Kudos: 54





	1. Chapter 1

Over the last two months, they had not gotten a word out of the scrawny kid except things that were related to a case and then,they were things that blew their minds.  
But if they asked him a question or intended to make small talk everything they got was a one word answer. And that on a good day. On a bad day he won't tell them anything not even react to their words but Hotch could not really argue against him staying on the team, after all, he was doing his job perfectly.

The only communication they have with him is through Gideon who assures them Spencer has nothing against them and is actually quite amazed by JJ's ability to communicate with the victims family and Morgan's physical strength. Hotch was left in the dark though. The kid doesn't look him in the eyes and to the question if he settled in alright or if he can do something to lift some weight of coming into a new team of his shoulders he only got the answer that "Gideon does that" and that "he is settled in great" so he just assumes that he is and maybe he is just a very quiet and private person.

Garcia has the least luck, after the first one and a half months Gideon asks her to stop crowding Spencer.

The first time Spencer really stands up for himself or communicates something that is bothering him, Morgan had put an arm around his neck while walking into the bullpen and Spencer had taken his elbow and pushed it with strength into Morgan's stomach making the man gasp for breath for a second while Spencer pushes him further away and then hitting him multiple times against the shoulder until Hotch pulls the man away from Derek. "Don't touch me. Don't fucking touch me." 

"It's okay. It's Hotch. You are okay."

"Let me go. Let me fucking go." Spencer fights against the strong arms holding him against the team leaders chest. 

"You need to calm down first."

"Aaron let him go." The noise in the bullpen had also caught Gideons attention, rushing down the stairs. "It's okay,Spencer. Come here."

"He touched me."

"It's okay he didn't mean any bad by it." Morgan was still catching up with what had happened, he was caught off guard by the hit. "Stop fighting Hotch"

"Then he should let me go." He stamps on Hotch's food with all his strength. "Let me go."

"Hotch let him." When he did, Spencer falls forward but catches himself quickly and the pushes strains of hair out of his face. "It's okay. They won't do anything."

He nods ones and then walks towards his desk, putting his bag down and starting to do his work like nothing happened leaving two stunned agents behind.

"Don't touch him again." 

"Gideon I just put my arm around him I didn't mean to hurt him."

"He doesn't know that."

"Jason I think we need to talk." 

Morgan was left in the dark while Hotch and Gideon went upstairs in his office.

"Jason I appreciate Dr. Reid's hard work more than everyone else but if he is not putting a little bit more effort into getting integrated into this team, this won't work out. This is a job were we have to trust each other and that was not a normal reaction to your teammate touching you."

"He is trying his best." Gideon excuses him, whenever he is alone with Spencer he gets to know how much he actually picks up about his teammates and about how they are and what they like and not like. What they prefer to eat and what they are allergic to. What makes them angry and what makes them happy. What calms them down and what makes them nervous. "He is just doing it in his own way."

"His own way can't be hitting Morgan."

"That is not his own way. He just doesn't know how else to defend himself."

"He is a twenty two year old men."

"A twenty two year old that never leaned that him vocalise things brings him any good in protecting himself. He is trying."

"What are you not telling me?"

"When I first met Spencer he was a sixteen year old kid in my lecturers after the third I asked him to stay back, his lip was open and he was terrifying skinny. Even more than he is now and I asked him if he wanted to grab lunch so we could talk about why he chose this class at this age and he said no. With the explanation that it wasn't a food day but we could do it on Friday because then it is." Gideon could see Hotch shifting in his seat. "I didn't ask what a food day was, I assumed it was just a weird food diet so I agreed to lunch with him on Friday and when he arrived he asked if I asked his father about this and when I told him that I have no idea who is father is he got as quick as possible out of that restaurant and I didn't see him for two years and then he was sitting in one of my lectures again and he lost the baby cheeks making his cheekbones stand out and skin under his eyes looking red almost bruised so I asked him again if he could stay after class and he did. We talked about his PhD in chemistry and mathematics and how he is just about to start with the one for engineering and when I asked him what he wanted to do with all those certificates he said that he wants to study as much as he can, learn as much as he can. And that he doesn't need to worry about a thing because his dad is a lawyer and has all the money in the world to pay for it. So I let it slide again. I thought that if you have a kid this smart and the money for it why not letting him do that. And then I asked a question in class about what they would do if they kid doesn't want to be separated from them. It had something to do with the attachment theory and how it effects our mental health and he raised his hand, I gave him the word and he said: "I would just leave the kid at daycare,it will learn." Which is not an uncommon answer eventhough it is the wrong one so I asked what he would do if it doesn't stop crying and screaming and he said again that he would leave the kid there, a kid has to learn. So I changed the scenario I asked what would you do, if you kid starts crying the moment you leave the room even in your own home and he said in the most certain tone "I would beat some sense into it.It's a kid it's not supposed to be nosey." And of course they was mumbling in the whole room but he was absolutely certain that this is the right thing to do eventhough he can perfectly recite any importance to how to act around your child so it has the best chances to grow up mentally healthy."

"He didn't learn better."

"I asked him after class on this thoughts on various things and I am not giving you what he told me but that kid had the life beat out of him more than he can count."

"What about his mother?"

"Mentally ill. I got her out first. Mr Reid didn't bother and then I got Spencer into the academy and told him I would cover the expenses of everything he needs from now on. The apartment next to mine was empty so we got him in there. He refuses to make his father pay for what he done he believes that the man is the reason he is so smart and could get educated in everything. He thinks it's wrong to turn on him. No matter what I tell him."

"Does he know were Spencer is?"

"Yeah, they are in contact." 

"Jason-"

"Don't. I did my best believe me. I got him out of that house. He has no time seeing him. He has a job and he has someone he can go to and he knows that what happened over all his childhood is wrong but he also doesn't."

"What happened with Morgan can't happen again."

"It will and I know that you knew that the moment the kid sat in front of you in that job interview. You knew what was going on you can't hire him for his knowledge and than just ignore the rest." Hotch knows Gideon is right, in any job he can but they work sometimes for days side by side they are spending an enormous time with each others sometimes even sharing hotel rooms.

"Do you think it will get better?"

"It already did. He is doing stuff on his own. He is doing stuff that isn't necessarily profiting his intelligence. He is dressing like he wants to. He is eating, this kid is eating more than I have ever seen someone eat. He is eventhough it doesn't look like it for now fine in his own world. Just doing his job, listen to the others, making his own opinions about them for him it's enough to just be observant."


	2. Chapter 2

"Reid can I talk to you for a moment?" Cautious Morgan approaches Spencer's desk with a napkin with a donut in his hand and a coffee in the other waiting for Spencer to give him a sign he is listening. "I wanted to let you know that I am sorry for touching you. I shouldn't have done that." The man in front of him doesn't show any obvious reaction but Morgan can tell by the way his jaw clenches that he does. "I know this is not fixing everything but I got you a coffee and a donut." He hesitates for a moment but then puts the stuff on his table, taking a step back when Spencer turns to the side grabbing the stuff and throwing it into the trash can under his desk. 

"I don't need your gifts. I won't give you what you want."

"What I want?"

"You know what I mean. I don't like saying it out loud."

"I am really sorry but I don't. This was just an apology and if you confused that for something else we can go back downstairs and get a new coffee and something to eat. It's not a problem."

"Why are you being nice? What do you want?"

"I don't want anything." Accusing Spencer looks up to him, trying to figure out what it is but Morgan was as clueless as him. 

"I don't believe you." 

"What's up with you two?" JJ asks as she walks past them with a stack of files in her hand. 

"Morgan wants to do something with me and I don't know what."

"Like going to a baseball game? You could join us next time." She remarks.

"No."

"I was just trying to apologise for the little incident yesterday." 

"It wasn't an incident you touched me and pulled me towards you."

"I was trying to be friendly I didn't mean anything with it." Slowly Morgan could feel the patience leaving him. He had done everything to include him more.

"We do it all the time." JJ states. 

"And what does he want in return?"

"Nothing."

"He never made you do something?"

"No." Spencer studies both of theiy facial expression a little bit longer and then stands up holding his hand out and Morgan uncertain what the aim of this is takes it.

"I accept your apology."

"Oh, that's good. Everything okay between us now?"

"Yes." He sits back down and both of the other Agents are left confused by the conversation they just had. 

They get even more mortified two weeks later. It was the first time Spencer had messed up something on the job and Hotch got furious out of worry.

"The man had a gun aimed at your head the last thing you do is make him more upset." He yells at their youngest team member. "You do everything to calm him down. You learned all of this in your training which was not even half a year ago."

"Sorry."

"I don't need a sorry I need you to tell me that you understand this. If you would have gotten shot you also wouldn't have been able to protect the two other people in the room. I need you to be better than this." Hotch breathed out ones turning to the side to give his attention to the files on the table that the others were already packing up when he felt Spencer cold hands at his waistband. "What are you doing?"

"Making me better."

"What?" 

"I will help you relax and I get to be better."

"Spencer don't." Gideon approaches him from behind taking his hands into his and from the man's belt. "He didn't mean that."

"What did you mean, Sir?"

"What were you doing kid?" Morgan asks alarmed. 

"I was just trying to make Agent Hotchner comfortable. He said he wants me to be better." Gideon was still holding him while Hotch had paled looking at the scene that makes him sick. "You could also use me but I thought it should be quick so I was just going to use my mouth."

"Did he- did he- did he ask you to do that before?" 

"No but that's what my Dad and his friends always wanted. I just thought he would like it too." 

"I don't. Spencer that was wrong. I would never ask you to do something like this. I don't want it. I never want that. Ever." 

"Every grown man wants that."

"No." Confused Spencer looks at Hotch for a moment and then at Morgan.

"Does he like you better for this?"

"I don't- no. No this is not something people want you to do. Not ever."

"I never asked you to did I?" Gideon asks to make the situation clear for him.

"You have your own son. Why would you need me for that?"

"No good father asks his son for this and you know that. You know all of this. You know that touching Hotch like this was wrong."

Spencer takes in what was being said and the nods ones and Gideon let's go of him while JJ has tears in her eyes and Morgan has this unsettling feeling in his chest that he didn't have for a long time. 

"I am sorry Agent Hotchner. I won't touch your belt without permission again. I was to erger and wanted to be nice and make up for what I did in the field today."


	3. Chapter 3

To say there was a certain tension on the jet on their way home was an understatement. They are playing cards and while Spencer seems to be enjoying the game JJ and Morgan were disturbed by what happened a few hours ago not to mention Hotch who was petrified and felt incredibly uncomfortable in his own skin. He didn't look at Reid nor Gideon just his cards and the stack.

"I need to go to the bathroom." Nobody commented that it took half an hour for him to come back and when he did his tie was no longer hanging around his neck and the first few buttons were undone. Spencer points at his stack of cards encouraging him without words to join the game again. "I am good thank you."

"Last round and I will need some sleep." Morgan announced and JJ tells Spencer she has to get back to those files. 

"Chess?"

"It's late you should try to sleep as well." All this time Spencer had never closed an eye on this jet always reading or playing chess and it wasn't about to change today. 

"Kid you have the couch." No reaction.

"You want my headphones so it is quiet?" Morgan keeps getting ignored so he stops pushing him but sees the acknowledging nod Gideon gives him.

And for a month it is like nothing happened. No one talks to someone about it. No one changes their behaviour. Of course inside of them something changed, Hotch felt terrified everytime he has to tell Spencer off. Morgan feels incredibly sorry and JJ wishes she could protect him from any harm. And then they all sit around the round table and Spencer takes a phone call from his father. "Hey Dad" Gideon can see the faces drop in shock. JJ stopping the presentation, Hotch swallowing hard and Morgan looking at him in question if he heard that right while Garcia has no idea why her teammates act this way. "I am good."

"No I am working."

"I can't come home because I work nearly every day."

"I am sorry I know." 

"You can."

"I will call you."

"Bye." He shoves his phone back into his pocket. "I am sorry for interrupting."

"Please don't tell me you are still in contact with your father."

"I am." Uncomfortable Spencer shifts in his seat. 

"Are you being serious?" Morgan doesn't know if he is addressing Reid or Gideon.

"They are just phone calls." Gideon remarks.

"With the person that assaulted him when he is the person that should protect him the most." 

Gideon sits down with Spencer that evening and after a long talk and discussion they agreed to stop the communication between him and his father and only to keep the conversation up between his mother and with time he could see the boy starting to look at what his father did with different opinions and emotions. 

After months he was standing next to Morgan listening to Hotch and Gideon interrogating the Unsub who starts talking about the abuse in his childhood he says:"I get him. I didn't like it either." And Morgan could feel a cold rush over his back and then he continued. "He would pick me up from highschool sometimes and he would take me home and he said that I deserve to feel good for all the hard work I do. So he laid me on the couch after I had to take my clothes off and then he would touch me at my upper body and then move his hands down to my legs stocking the inside of my tight and I would feel like I never did with anything else and then he would touch my penis and move his hand up and down and he was right in the moment it made me feel good but never afterward or ever for long and never if he did more than just touching me with his hands. And I never, I never understood why I felt good, excited, terrified and sick at the same time. I never wanted it so I stopped having good grades so he doesn't reward me anymore but then he just started hitting me more and being less gentle and it didn't matter what I did it was always wrong." 

"I am sorry Spencer. I really am. I know this feels terrible and I know nothing really stops it eventhough time has passed but you are what you are because you worked yourself up here not because he did."

"You really know?" Anxious Spencer looks at Morgan who has his eyes focused on the glass in front of him.

"Yeah I know."

"Did Gideon also help you?"

"No."

"I am sorry. He really can. Does he know?"

"No."

"I won't tell him."

"I know." 

It is the first time Spencer sleeps on the jet, he had asked Morgan shyly what he will be doing for the flight and after he tells him he will stay awake and read he takes the blanket from under the couch and curls up. His head on Gideon's jacket and his hands covering his neck and whenever he woke up, which was approximately every fifteen minutes he checked if Morgan was still awake and if Gideon was still sitting on the seat next to the couch. "Nothing is going to happen.Lay down."

"Nothing is going to happen. Lay down." He repeats and lays down on the jacket ones again. If he wasn't having a really good day or wasn't hanging himself along facts he normally has a hard time communicating with the others. He still doesn't talk much to them about things not work related or things that aren't of any really meaning. He does with Gideon but never with the team. Morgan could sometimes nudge a conversation out of him and sometimes JJ got him to ramble about something that doesn't benefit their case but Hotch was still in the unknown. Not entirely he and Gideon share a lot but Gideon would never tell him more than the stuff he needs to know. They are guessing it is because Hotch is a person with authority, because he is his supervisor but they don't know for sure. Gideon had asked him ones if it is okay if Hotch comes over for dinner and the man had quickly voiced how uncomfortable it would make him feel and when he had asked why Spencer went quiet and told him a few days later how Hotch has "the bad eyes" when someone only slightly went off plan and they make him fear him. Gideon tried figuring out what the "bad eyes" are.

"Do I have bad eyes?"

"No" Spencer had quickly assured him. 

"Is there someone else who has? Morgan maybe?"

"Morgan doesn't have bad eyes. Hotch has bad eyes. Dad has bad eyes. Sean has bad eyes. Leon has bad eyes. Theroy has bad eyes. Travis had bad eyes. Leroy has bad eyes. Manny has bad eyes." A few other names followed and then he started from the beginning again and eventually Gideon connected the dots. These were the man that raped him over his childhood so his theory but Hotch doesn't fit in there. They are never alone and never have been. Gideon is always with him and after a few months Morgan and JJ had been okay too. He was standing in the a small precinct when he announced that he can go alone with JJ and Gideon could feel pride combined with anxiety rise in himself but the pride took the upper hand when he came back an hour later being fine.

Gideon had debated with himself if he should tell Hotch about Spencer's impression but he decided not too until he doesn't talk to him first about it.

He is relived when Spencer slept on the jet for longer than twenty minutes, sleeping around other people was a huge problem. To big the fear that something was being done to him he doesn't want. They had tried to pair Morgan and Spencer up in a hotel room ones but it ended in Gideon having to calm him down from a panic attack. 

If he wasn't so damn smart and on spot with his clues and facts and if he wasn't cracking codes and connecting dots, Hotch would have made him transfer to another unit or maybe even an entirely other job a long time ago. But he also can't deny that if you try to listen to him being quiet that you can hear the kindness in him. How he always taps JJ's shoulder twice when he sees a butterfly because he knows she loves them. How he always buys two coffees for him and Morgan. And how he sometimes whispers something in Gideon's ear that make the man have a smile on his face that no one has ever seen on his face before Spencer. He even had warmed up to Garcia, she was still much sometimes and he absolutely despises her sarcasm but she was okay. What Hotch got were numerous non-verbal invites to play cards with him. Nearly every plane ride Spencer would place a hand in front of him and if that is the only interaction he gets he will take it although he can't help but question if he does everything right when he watches him showing of magic to the others and then packing everything away as fast as he can when he sees Hotch entering the room.

"I feel groggy from the sleep. I don't like it. It makes me sick." He hears him whisper to Gideon who had crouched down in front of the man who is holding himself tight his hair being everywhere but it place. 

"That's normal. You woke up pretty often during your sleep."

"I tried."

"I know and that was enough for today. I am proud of you."


	4. Chapter 4

"I want to invite Morgan." Spencer announces one evening eating Dinner with Gideon. It was a part of their routine to eat dinner together so Spencer has an option to talk to him about things. They have strict routines such as Gideon checking in on him at seven every morning to make sure he is up and everything works out alright or if he needs help. They are smaller ones integrated into their work day. 

"Then you should do that." He encourages him. Gideon has never seen Morgan as chatty as with Spencer he was sometimes talking minutes just in a monologue to him and sometimes if he was lucky he got an answer. 

"I want to invite you to my apartment." Spencer brings out nervously looking down at Morgan who was sitting in his deskchair. 

"That's nice of you when do you want me there?"

"Friday."

"Good choice which time?"

"8PM."

"I will be there. Any special occasion?" Spencer shakes his head proud that he got the invite out and glad that Morgan had accepted it. "Then I will need you address pretty boy." The nickname somehow worked itself into his language he had started with pretty one causing Spencer to freeze up but pretty boy seemed to be fine. 

"I am Gideon's neighbor."

"I don't know were he lives." He hasn't planned this. He wasn't suppose to ask this. He was suppose to just know. This wasn't right. This was different from what he thought. "Just write it down on this paper it's alright." Morgan must have noticed that something is wrong and searches for a blank note and hold a pen in Spencer's reach. "I can ask Gideon if that's better." He always gets nervous when there is the smallest indication that he did something wrong. He doesn't know how but he in Garcia seem to hit the middle of it the most. Hotch somehow manages to often talk his way around it or fastly out of it. JJ manages to set him off by being to erger about helping him with stuff when he struggles. He wants to fix things on his own and Gideon just seems to be very confident when something like this happens. 

"I know my address."

"I know." 

"I am not dumb."

"No one thinks that believe me." 

"I know my address." 

"I know. There are still two days till I will be there you can just tell me or write me the address sometime else." With that Spencer excuses himself and passes by him up the stairs up to Gideon's office. Gideon is quiet, Gideon is calm, Gideon means advice and protection he had told Morgan ones when the senior agent took longer to visit a crime scene and Spencer started to get worked up about it. 

At the end of the day said men put's down a note with their address on Morgan's desk and Spencer waves him shyly just like he always does. They are okay. 

When Friday arrives he was more nervous than he was on the last dates he attempted. For some reason he finds an absurd comfort in spending time with Spencer and on the other hand not at all. 

"Come in" With a smile he watches Spencer open the dark wooden door. His glasses that he rarely wears at the office on his tiny nose but still in his sweater vest and tie. 

"Thank you for the invite." Unsure what to do Spencer just stands in the room for a couple of second and then points at the dining table that has two sets of plates on it on with Spaghetti with tomato sauce that are steaming. "You cooked?" The only answer he gets is Spencer sitting down and gesturing to the seat across from him. "You have a cozy apartment. I like it kid." He was greeted with silence again and he wonders if he does something wrong but not long into the dinner, Spencer moving in his seat sometimes pressing his palm onto his eye and hitting his tight ones in a while he quietly tells him that he is the first guest apart from Gideon he ever had. And that he is a great first guest.

"I am glad I am." 

"This is really- I don't feel good- I don't know what is wrong- I am nervous and I feel- I feel comfortable- but I also feel somehow empty but warm and- it doesn't go away- I need this to go away." Worried Morgan watches him pressing his arms into his stomach. 

"Can I do something?"

"I don't know-" He stops himself. "Gideon. I need Gideon. Gideon can make it stop."

"Is he home?"

"Please get him."

"I will kiddo." To his displeasure Gideon isn't home so he calls him and has to keep him calm for the next twenty minutes. "What can I do to help?"

"It doesn't feel right. It's wrong. It's wrong."

"Alright, hey look at me." Morgan squats down next to him. "Good. Now both feet flat on the ground." When Spencer takes a moment Morgan presses his shoes down with his hands. "You feel that? You feel the floor?"

"Yes."

"That's good pretty boy. Concentrate on the floor. What's wrong with your stomach?"

"It's were the feeling is."

"Only in the stomach?"

"And thighs." Morgan takes his heavy leather jacket from the chair an places it over Spencer's thighs. "Blanket."

"Yeah just like a blanket." Spencer shakes his head. 

"My blanket. Need my blanket."

"You have a weighted blanket. Is that what you are telling me?"

"Couch. Blue." He detects it very easily and spreads it over Spencer's legs and decides that him pressing his arms on his stomach is not a problem. 

"Concentration on your feet. Gideon will be here soon." To his relive he was a lot earlier than 20 minutes. 

"What happened?"

"Something about a feeling. He described it as nervous but empty and warm." At the sight of Gideons smile he was starting to get confused because he just felt like he ditched a crisis and the man was smiling. "What?"

"I think you should leave us alone for a moment." 

"Of course. Can I wait outside?"

"Here let yourself in my apartment I will be there." He takes the key from Gideon and leaves him alone while Gideon talks to Spencer about the feeling he has because if he isn't entirely wrong someone has a crush. "It's not a bad feeling, I promise. It's something good."

"It doesn't feel right."

"I know but it will go away again or it will better itself if you act on in." A tear falls down Spencer's cheek onto the blanket. "This is not wrong you hear me? You are allowed to have those feelings. He is a handsome guy and very kind to you it's normal."

"I am not allowed to like other men or women like this."

"You are. You can like whoever you want."

He takes the surprise away by telling Morgan about Spencer's little crush. "Oh thank god I thought I did something wrong."

"You didn't. Just be careful this is new and uncomfortable for him."

"I will."

Gideon hadn't expected that Morgan feels similar to how Reid feels without the fear that he will get punished for it but with a guilty conscience. Spencer was young and insecure and he knows he would feel like he is taking advantage of that. 

"You better?"

"We sorted it to blue feelings."

"Oh, well can you tell me if blue is good?" Gideon tries a lot to help Spencer deal with emotions that have been suppressed for so long sorting them by colour was one thing and Morgan had catched up as much as yellow is good and dark blue is bad. 

"Its a bright blue, Arctic."

"What other feelings are in blue?" 

"The one when I can take of my vest."

"Nothing else?" They often find themselves to try utterly hard to keep him talking. 

"No."

"Is the feeling of taking your vest of good?"

"Its good because I don't like to wear my vest but it also means I don't have security anymore."


	5. Chapter 5

Morgan quotes what Spencer had said to JJ the next day and she has a found smile on her face. "What did you say?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"No we finished dinner, I talked about things he sometimes added a fun fact just like he always does." Morgan takes a sip of his coffee leaning back into his chair. Knowing damn well he keeps her from working. 

"What are you going to do with the information?"

"Let him handle it. Let him decide how to act on it. He doesn't need to know I know." He spares her the part in which Gideon told him that Spencer is this petrified because his father always made sure he is the only men allowing others to touch his boy. There was no such thing as kissing other students, if he was caught he was punished. 

"And about your little-"

"I don't have a-" His voice high-pitched.

"I haven't even said it yet."

He stays with his plan and he definitely takes it serious that he doesn't do anything that makes Spencer uncomfortable.   
Which hurts him the most was that he can not touch him. Not ever. Not a teasingly nudge against the arm, no rifling through his hair and certainly no hugs. He got a handshake ones that was it and sometimes he craves just hugging him and holding him even he never had that in the first place.

When Elle comes into the team everyone can sense how tensed up Reid suddenly is and Gideon apologises it with the fact that this is new and a change. 

And Hotch looks back on the development Spencer went through over the last nearly two years. He sometimes talks about things not case related to the whole team. Very rarely and with a lot of bravery but it happens. Dealing with sudden changes of emotions had become easier. Not only his emotions but also the ones from the others. Morgan and Hotch had snapped at each other suddenly and Hotch could feel the pride tugging at his heart when Spencer stayed calm in his seat and returned to his files when it was over. He had to admit himself how much the kid has found it's way into his heart.

Making it even harder when he kicked and beat him in the hospital to stop the Unsub from killing hostages. After Spencer had shot the Unsub, he had put the gun down and just stared at the wall on the other side of the room, his breaths coming out ragged his eyes wide open, his shaking hands hovering inches over the blue hospital floor. "Reid look at me." He doesn't react and Hotch touches him on the shoulder but again everything he does is keeping his stare his mouth open. "Reid please."

"What happened?" 

"I had to make a plan, I am sorry." Gideon crouched down next to the boy turning his face towards him to see the injury. 

"Did you do this?"

"Yes. I am sorry it was the only way." 

"C'mon kiddo." He grabs the man under his arms pulling him up so he has to stand and gets him out to the medics that he let's touch him in his trance and when Hotch approaches them, Gideon leans down as he sees Spencer attempting to speak.

"I told you he has the bad eyes sometimes." Scared he moves to the closet place next to the doors of the ambulance.

"How are you?" The confusion in Spencer's eyes was probably the worst about it. "I am sorry if I hurt you." To make himself less threatened Hotch goes to squad down causing Spencer to scramble as fast as he can into the ambulance. "I am sorry. I am sorry. I won't do anything."

"Don't do it. I don't want it. It won't make me feel good."

"I wasn't going to do what you think." To everyone surprise, the moment Morgan enteres the conversation Spencer launches forward clinching to Morgan as his life depends on it. 

"What's going on?" Morgan doesn't dare hugging him back or touching his back instead his hands hover a few inches away from him. 

"I don't want it. I don't want it."

"What do you not want?" As an answer he just holds Morgan tighter trembling in fear. "What happened?"

"He mistook Hotch's actions."

"He has the bad eyes." Spencer whispers in Morgan's ear and he wishes he knew what it means. That he wouldn't so often has a hard time understanding what he tries to say.

"What are the bad eyes?"

"Men have them before they get mad and need me." 

"Hotch doesn't have the bad eyes."

"I saw it." 

"No you didn't. He doesn't have the bad eyes. You are really scared right now and that is why you think that." Morgan tries, still not touching him if you don't count Spencer pressing himself against him. "Let's get you to the car,I will drive, no Hotch."

Entering the Jet there was no place to avoid each other anymore. Spencer's face showing red bruises and his lip open, he looks exactly like he imagined how Spencer must have looked like when Gideon first saw him.

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" He doesn't get an answer just Spencer continuing to play a card game by himself. "You just have to listen."

"You just have to listen." He repeats.

"I didn't mean anything I said in there and I would never hurt you like this if there isn't another way."

"I would never hurt you like this if there isn't another way. They is always another way. No child should be hurt."

"But you are not a child."

"I would never hurt you like this if there isn't another way."

"Exactly." Spencer shoves a stack of cards over to Hotch and then points at the stack in the middle to play with him. 

"Good boy I would never hurt you. This is just to keep your family safe." He says and puts his cards after Hotch down, sometimes he says things he heard somewhere or was told. 

"You kept all those hostages save and me."

"Good boy."

"Yeah" That the sentence he said was from a different context didn't matter right now he takes Hotch's cards and his and puts them on one stack and shuffling them again.

"I was cheating."


	6. Chapter 6

It was innocent and sweet his first kiss with Morgan. They were picking up coffee and then standing outside waiting for JJ to get out too when Spencer leans forward, kissing him. His lips watery and the movement sudden, a little bit to harsh even. "What are you doing?" 

"Kissing you." Morgan had moved back, studying Spencer's facial expressions this was not something he had thought about happening.   
Sure they spend a lot of time together by now but he had thought Spencer's little crush was just a weekly thing something he confuses with someone caring for him with the bare necessities. 

"You can't kiss me."

"Why not?"

"Well I am not hurt don't worry but I don't like you kissing me."

"Oh, I am sorry."

"It's okay, don't worry." 

By the time JJ gets out the two are standing apart not saying a word and Morgan is not sure if she saw it. 

"Should we head back?"

"Yes please." 

Over the first half of the ride Spencer was quiet but then started mumbling under his breath and by the time they reached the precinct he was repeating words and sometimes throwing a sentence in. "Did something happen at the crime scenes?" Hotch asks sceptical when he saw the 24 year old like this. 

"Not at the crime scene." Morgan mumbles and takes a seat around the conference table while Spencer paces the room up and down and after minutes of walking up and down he starts yelling.

"Stupid. Fucking idiot. Stupid. Stupid. Needy boy. Stupid. Stupid." His fists hits his head. "Stupid needy boy. Stupid. Stupid." Hotch goes to close the blinds, the local PD doesn't have to see this. "Stupid. Stupid." He hits a few more times and then goes over to scratching his face causing Gideon to step in and Morgan to break the silence.

"He kissed me earlier out of the blue I don't know if that has anything to do with why he is upset." 

"Maybe get out of here give him some space." Gideon orders Morgan who leaves the conference room with JJ who gets the order by Hotch. The older Agent grabs Spencer's arms keeping him from scratching himself. "No scratching. You can hit your thigh but not your head." There was a high chance Spencer doesn't know what to do with the words right now. He can probably hear them but not manage to translate that into what he should do so when Gideon let's go he goes back to hitting his head and gets stopped by him again. 

"I did a bad thing. Needy boy. Stupid needy boy." He complains after calming down a bit. Gideon still holding his wrist, Spencer sitting on the floor his back leaned again the wall trying to hit his tights with his elbow. 

"What did you do?"

"Stupid needy boy. Nobody wants a needy boy."

"What did you do?"

"I kissed Morgan. Stupid. Stupid needy boys get hurt. Stupid. Stupid."

"It was just a kiss. It's okay. Morgan is okay."

"It was just a kiss. I kissed Morgan. I don't like you kissing me. Needy boy. It was just a kiss." Gideon guesses that needy boy was synonym his father had introduced. 

"You are old enough you can decide who you kiss."

"I don't like you kissing me." He never kissed Spencer and never tried or would want to so he is certain that this wasn't actually directed at him.

Morgan coming back in didn't help either Spencer was just insulting himself, hitting his tight and it took some time till he let's Gideon distract him with work so eventually in the late evening Morgan took a seat next to him. "Can we talk for a second?" He gets a nod but no eye contact or even him looking in his direction. "What you did was not wrong okay? I was just surprised and caught off guard. You had every right to believe that it was okay to kiss me in that moment." Hesitating he places his hand on Spencer's wrist. "If you really want this, we can try it."

"I didn't like you kissing me."

"I was just surprised and I didn't know what to say.Come here" He gestures for Spencer to try it again but he denies, makes Morgan stop touching him and goes back to work. 

"Let me take you out on a date. On a real date with a fancy restaurant and everything." Morgan suggests days later back at Quantico. 

"You would want that?" 

"I wouldn't be asking you if I don't."

"When?"

"Tonight?"

"That's very sudden."

"You are right but we don't want to have a higher chance of a case ruining it do we?"

"It doesn't really make a big difference."

"If you don't want to go we don't have to."

"I want to- just let me- let me ask Gideon." Gideon will be thrilled if he hears another man, older than Spencer is taking him out for a date, Morgan thinks and watches Spencer walk up to the man's office preparing for his own death.

"Can I go on a Date with Morgan tonight?"

"Sure." He was a little bit surprised by the question he hadn't expected Morgan to actually put effort into this nor to do anything romantic. "You know you don't have to ask me for those things?" With every so little thing he goes to Gideon to ask for permission.

Not even six hours later he was dressed in a suit, a dark purple shirt,a vest and tie with his black suit. His glasses on and of course the mismatched socks and converse. "Look at you" Morgan gestured towards him with a big smile. "Looking like a fine man."

"Thank you. Looking like a fine man." 

"That's right." 

"No. You. Looking like a fine man." He repeats and Morgan understands.

"You are two sweet pretty boy. Let me take you to dinner." Animated he holds his hand out but didn't really expect Spencer to take it but he does, shyly closing his fingers around his hand,he has soft skin but ice cold and Morgan carefully let's his thump move over the back of Spencer's hand before the two leave the apartment down the stairs and to Morgan's car. "Ay no!" He stops Spencer as he goes to open the door and does it himself making Spencer beam in excitement. "You may enter the car." He closes the door behind him and was not able to suppress his smile as he walked around the car to get to his seat. He wants everything about this to be perfect and that not only because he knows Gideon will come for him if it isn't but because this is probably the first real date Spencer has ever went on.

"Were are we going?"

"I booked us a table at the Italian place at the fifth but if you prefer something else we can change that."

"No italian is good." The nervous fingers tapping down on his leg don't go unnoticed but uncommented and when they go into the restaurant he can feel Spencer holding on to his hand like his life depends on it, and being unusual close to him.

"I called, I reserved a table for Morgan. Derek Morgan."

"That's right, follow me please." The kind waitress leads them to their table, it is small and round next the windows from which they can see everything that is going on on the street. "Can I get you anything to drink yet?"

"I will have a water."

"And you sir?" With a warm smile she looks at Spencer who shakes his head looking at Morgan to do something.

"He will have a Sprite." He knows Spencer loves to drink anything that is sweet.

"He will have a Sprite." Spencer confirms.

"That is a good choice it will come right up." Morgan realises a breath he didn't know he had hold in after Spencer had repeated the sentence.

"You can read the menu. I am taking you out just pick whatever you want." Hesitating Spencer opens the menu and starts reading but it ends with Morgan having to decide for the both of them again. 

"You need to eat Spencer. You have to be more. You have to eat Spencer you can't do this job if you don't. Don't eat Spencer it will make you unattractive." Morgan had seen Spencer struggling with food numerous times, and Gideon had explained it to the team as a problem that his father used to control him even more. 

"One deep breath." Hesitating Morgan reaches for Spencer's wrist pulling it down to the table. "Come on, in with me-" Spencer indeed does copy Morgan's behaviour and then starts eating his lasagna and he starts doing it over the evening everytime he starts getting upset he repeats what Morgan had said. 

"One deep breath." 

"You need some help?"

"One deep breath."

"That's right. One deep breath." He waits for Spencer to collect himself. "You up for desert?"

"You up for desert?"

"I am always up for desert." Morgan checked his time again,it was shortly before half past nine and by ten forty he would have to start his night time routine so they are perfectly in time. "What about the classic?"

"What about the classic?" 

Sometimes it was a 50/50 chance to get right what Spencer was saying so he orders them brownies with ice cream and he seemed fine with it.

By the time they get home Gideon was already waiting for Spencer in his apartment,and seemed relived that they made it in time. "So how was it?" 

"We went on a date." Morgan can hear Spencer tell as they walk into the bathroom. 

"What did you do?"

"What did you do? We went to a restaurant and then we walked through a park."

"That's romantic don't you think?"

"That's romantic don't you think? Morgan held the door open, and paid for dinner. Mom would say he is a real gentleman." Morgan hears Gideon snort and then the water turns on and he takes it as his clue to leave them to it.

He never felt this much pride after being called a gentleman.


	7. Chapter 7

Falling in love with every day they spend some time alone together, was easy Gideon tells him two months later. But if he wants to do this he has to start seeing the other sides too and against Gideon's expectations Morgan does.

"What is Morgan doing here? Morgan is not supposed to be here." Spencer mumbles tired rubbing his eyes sitting on the edge of his bed. "Gideon is supposed to be here."

"And I am here but you over slept so Morgan was already here he wanted to eat breakfast with us today."

"Morgan is my boyfriend."

"I know. That is why he is here and you need to get ready." Spencer had been quick with the labeling from the beginning and Morgan didn't mind. If that is what he wants to call him he won't stop him. "You need to shower." It seems like Spencer hasn't seen the time yet or he was simply to tired to care. "Up with you."

"Morgan"

"What is it?" Morgan approaches them and then hesitates for a moment until Spencer reaches up with his arms. "A hug?"

"Up with you." 

"You want me to help you up?"

"Up with you." Not sure if that is what he wants he leans down closing the thin body in a hug and the pulling him upright and Spencer starts beaming at him before kissing him.

"That's what you wanted?" He snorts ones and then let's the two walk of to the bathroom while waiting in the kitchen and it seems like Spencer was all over the place. No concentration, no holding himself back, no order like he had just got a shot of coffee into his vains.   
It had happened before and the team was confused by this behaviour normally Spencer was quiet,organized, thoughtful not like this. 

"Sit down and eat." 

"Sit down and eat." He babbles after Gideon taking place in his chair. "Sit down and eat." Confused he looks at his empty plate. 

"It's coming right up I didn't have the chance yet." Gideon excuses and Morgan is pretty sure he caught an unfitting morning to do this and at the same time a fitting one because while he felt a little bit lost in the chaos he didn't feel lost thinking about if he wants to learn how to get adapted in it. "Eat."

"I want to-"

"Spencer eat we have to get to work." Gideon taps on the table next to the table two times and then goes back to eating his own breakfast. 

"Spencer eat we have to get to work." He mocks and then looks at Morgan for approval who shots him a quick smile a little bit unsure what to do with his boyfriend's behaviour. 

"No mocking."

"I want to drink something." Morgan grabs Spencer's empty cup and want to get up to get him something but Gideon stops him.

"Eat your toast then you can have something to drink." 

The first time the team had seen Spencer this energetic and jittery it was quite unsettling to watch. Gideon had to repeat himself multiple times, Spencer not concentrating on his work, him constantly talking to himself it reminded them of a toddler with a sugar rush and Gideon could not explain were this behaviour comes from when it does.  
They first thought he was excited about something but they couldn't find anything that does make him this excited and then they went with nervousness but that normally revolves into the opposite reaction.

"Hold your feet still." Gideon was holding down Spencer's foot, trying the shoe lashes.

"Hold your feet still. Hold your feet still." By the time they got him into his jacket Gideon looked ready to just go back to bed.

"You can concentrate down here or do you want to join me in my office?"

"Here." Sceptical Gideon watches Spencer take a file until Morgan steps in.

"I'll make sure he does his work." He didn't imagine it drawing this much energy, he had to regularly get up, remind him what he has to do and then sit back down just to wait for the next thing that catches his attention. "It's lunch time, come on up with you."

"It's lunch time. It's lunch time. It's lunch time." He quotes. "Lunch time is at 01:45 PM. Lunch time means going down to the cafeteria with JJ and whoever wants to join. Lunch time can take place somewhere else if JJ wants to. Lunch time ends at 14:45. If lunch time ends early, there is time to read."

"That's right,come on we pick JJ up at her office." Morgan offers his hand after watching Spencer put his jacket on eventhough they stay in the building. His jacket is never to be left somewhere. It happened ones at a theater and Morgan was pretty sure he would start to murder anyone standing in his way to get this jacket back. 

"You guys mind if I join you?" Prentiss asks. She is still new on the team, and was trying to get integrated. Spencer was not making it easy and eventhough Morgan had ensured her that he does that with every new person or even thing it still hurts her and he felt bad for saying no but it would be the first time she joins all of them and Spencer is still very jittery so Morgan sends Spencer ahead and stays back to talk to her. 

"Are you sure? I mean you watched us this morning right?"

"He is little bit hyperactive, nothing I can't deal with." They stay quiet for a moment and then she continues. "Look Morgan I understand if I shouldn't join you but I am the new person on the team and I have to get adapted to you not the other way around. I am just trying to find my way with you guys and eating lunch at my desk is really not that great and I would go to Garcia but she hates people eating in there." 

"You can join us no problem." 

"What do you want to eat? Something warm or just a sandwich? If you chose the first open we have beans with noodles and a very disgusting looking mushroom sauce or we have fries with I think sausage." He asks Spencer as he had set down at their usual table. 

"Warm."

"Alright open one or two?"

"One if you take the mushrooms."

"Of course." He leans down to Spencer and presses him a kiss on his cheek and takes his card with him while JJ is already back from getting hers which is a sandwich and cheetos keeping him company.

"Not a fan of mushrooms?" Emily asks Morgan as they are waiting for their food.

"The texture isn't right."

"Has he many sensory problems?"

"Yeah, to loud and bright is not good for long and textures are generally a tricky thing. Clothes, blankets etc it all has to be right. The worst though are wet things, especially his hands." With a smile he takes the plates and goes on to grab them something to drink. "But I don't think you have to worry as much as you do around him. You will find your way we all did it just takes time and if you mess up ones it's okay.I am sure you won't do anything that will effect him in the long terms."

"You are a good boyfriend."

"I'd like to think so but we have a long way to go."


End file.
